He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
