I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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