Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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