i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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