That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
