Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
