I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
