dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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