I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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