Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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