who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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