He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
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If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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