Me. At least after what I've been through.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
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My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
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Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize