My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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