Dude my mom stole all your condoms
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize