A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
