Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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