The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
