I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
