I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
