I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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