Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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