Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
