also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Everclear isn't food dammit
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
