RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
