So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
