Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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