There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Do vagina's smell?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
