Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
