mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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