We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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