No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
