my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
high people should be assigned attendants
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Randomize
