im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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