apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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