So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
