I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
