Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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