all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
