Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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