I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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