Your mouth is God's brothel.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I need a burrito and a hug.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize