Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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