Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Let's paint friendship bongs
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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