I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
