I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
