I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
