omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
