Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
