Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
