I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
