only if we run a train.
done.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
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the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
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And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
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