Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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