think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
