Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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