I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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