I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
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