No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
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Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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