my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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